Updated: Jan 7, 2019
I’ve grown exponentially this past year, at a rate unprecedented and unexpected. And one of the hardest habits to break has been the habit of apologizing to my demons.
My pastor posted to Facebook a few weeks ago, “ Stop trying to convince the Pharoah your free when you don’t live in Egypt” which to me means, why am I focusing so much time, effort, and energy into places I don’t belong to anymore?
What does it benefit me to explain my progress to my past?
A large part of my growth in life had been learning how to forgive and love myself over lessons I’ve learned. I’ve been learning to live with, after, and more often than not through choices I have made. One of the reasons why David is one of my favorite Biblical characters is because after he sinned he asked God for mercy. After God showed him the consequences of his sin he picked himself up and continued to live his life. Not in fear of his consequences or in a state of grief or depression, but with acceptance and hope.
Life happens and sometimes we screw up. But life doesn’t stop to mourn our losses or celebrate our victories. We do and life goes on.
I’m learning that this is part of growth and progress. To experience the highs and lows while continuing forward. Just because we’re sad doesn’t mean that we can’t move. And bigger than that I owe nothing to my past, my mistakes, or my habits that contributed to my lowest moments.
When David committed adultery and then murder he didn’t wait to ask God for forgiveness or even pray for mercy. He repented immediately and sought God right after. When things didn’t work out the way he wanted them to, he got up and continued on.
He didn’t sit in his sin or allow it to define him, he grew from it. He lived through it. He didn’t owe it time or anything because retribution wasn’t his to deliver.
As I’m coming into this new year I’m carrying this lesson with me. If I fall I get up and I unapologetically press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.
I don’t need to sit and be sad or miserable because I made a mistake or every time life feels unfair. I can experience my emotions without operating at a deficit and so can you!
You have victory over sin and sinning because God said so!
In all things you are a conqueror because God said so!
No mistake or bad feeling can change that, so you make it your mission to remember it.
If you want to read the story of David and Bathsheba you can read it here: 1 Samuel 11
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