Read Yourself

Revelations and Rocket Science​

Low cut and tight. 

Hair laid body right. 

Face beat. 

Ready to go.

Uber to the club, brush off hands not yet welcome. 

Hips swing, heels click, drowned by the boom of the bass. 

Eye contact, dazzling smile 

Rum and coke please

Tip sip 

Repeat

Hands up 

Freedom 

Or some synthetic semblance 

Hands grasp a willing waist now ready to be guided

Grind dip spin dip grind

Sweaty, wet, and unconvinced

Uber home, shower rest

Until it's Friday night again


Revelations and Rocket Science

I can't lie. I've been clubbing lately. I feel I have good reason. I'm celebrating the lives of the people I love, with people I love. Desensitized to the effects of being in close quarters with those things that make me weak because, this is what you do in your twenties. Right? 

I didn't always think I could drink and party and maintain an authentic relationship with God. 

And I have to say that I'm still not convinced. 

But, I like the routine of it. Work hard, play hard. Work harder, play harder. Bum all week to justify my weekend slay. 

I love looking good. There's no reason for me to do it during the week, but Friday night?

                         


Phasers set to stun.

But at what cost? 

There's this Scripture, James 4:17: Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin. It's one of the Scriptures I've used in conjunction with the following saying:

Obey the laws of your deliverance.

Which is to say in addition to those things that the Bible specifically counts as sin, there are certain "gateway sins" that we have to be able to acknowledge as our own weaknesses. For example, If you're a smoker and decide to give up cigarettes, you avoid other smokers and places where smoking is prominent. 

Since I've started clubbing on the weekends, I haven't stopped praying, reading my Bible, or ministering to whoever God places in my path. At first, going out was just another thing I was doing. My friends are doing it, and I want to hang out with them, so why not? 

It's been fun. The music, the dancing, the drinking. I've had some good times.

But...

I'm living a celibate lifestyle, and being in an environment where people are on each other, weakens my resolve. I know that my celibacy is important to me, and have noticed that since I've started going out, I'm more likely to put my self in compromising situations.

The more interesting thing has been that the compromising situations that I've found myself in, haven't happened at the club.

I have had to ask myself a very real question and give myself a very honest answer:

When did I change the habits that were keeping me celibate?

When I started hanging around people who are having casual sex. 

Not my friends, but the people in the club who would approach me, or even just watching the casual hook ups happening around me. It made me start to question my reasons for my celibacy altogether. 

Reasons that are a different blog, for another day.

The important thing here is that I realized that in order to maintain the morals and standards I have for myself I have to change my lifestyle. 

This doesn't mean that I can't let my hair down on the weekends, it just means that I have to find a different outlet. 

Maybe some can club and party and maintain an authentic relationship with God. I've just learned that I'm not one of them.

And that's ok. 

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